Can you heal my heart before you crush it forever?
by Crystal Amour
Summary: This story is based on Reagan's unreturned love. Dan usually ignores her in that way, choosing instead to focus on beating her in games which he hasn't won any yet . Can she win him over before he crushes her already shattered heart into dust? R/D/M/D/N
1. Prologue

I watched as he approached her. Her. Hmph. She's my twin sister. She's two minutes older, which means she gets everything, and I never get anything. Including him. Just because I like ballet instead of hockey or football doesn't make me soft. But she thinks so, and he does too. That's why he likes her. She isn't soft.

I'm always in her shadow. Maybe once or twice I get my chance to shine, but then I'm always overshadowed by her. Always. I've loved him ever since we met at his grandmother's funeral. He was so kind, and it made me start to think about not being so mean. That was my mistake. He never notices me, except when we're playing video games together. he wants to beat me, but he hasn't yet. That's the only reason he's still playing with me.

He's in love with her. Ever since the clue hunt, right before the gauntlet, when I had the chance to go, I didn't. I chose wrong. Now I'm always in the shadows. He could have any girl he wants, but he picks her. But I guess...that's the way life is. No, that's the way my life is. It's never fair. Never. And I should get used to that, I guess. He's always with her. He's broken my heart into a million pieces. And he's about to crush it completely.

I love him, but he ignores me.

My name, is Reagan Holt, and this...is the story of me, and my love for someone who will never return it.

**Hey guys! This is my first fanfiction on this site, so please R and R! **

**(For all of you who don't know that expression, it means Read and Review.)**

**Please don't say mean things. I appreciate all feedback, but please don't say things like:  
**

**This stinks! This is stupid! And so on. All creative or writing help is welcomed, however.  
**

**Thanks!  
**


	2. Author's Note

**Hey guys, due to a small case of writer's block and a cold(with a fever) I may not be putting up chapter 1 until Thursday or later. If I get better soon, I may put it up sooner. Don't worry, I'm not going to forget and leave this without updates. Thanks for reading. :)**

Next chapter preview:

One thought passed through my head. "Would I, or would I not?" My choice, was to be my fate, forever, and, it would change my life, for good.  
If I choose the right one, I will be honored. If I choose the wrong one, I shall be forgotten, almost completely.  
This choice, my future, is heavy on my shoulders. What will be my choice?

**I'm not giving you any more, 'cause this is a big enough one as it is.  
See you when I post Chapter 1!**


	3. Beginnings

**Hey guys! My fever's gone, and my colds almost gone, so I'm back on! By the way, I made a mistake with the chapter preview. That's actually the preview for chapter 2. Oops, forgot the disclaimer.  
I do not own the 39 clues, nor any of the characters (though to be honest I wish I did).**

I entered the school, keeping my head downcast, not ready to meet people after being gone so long. When I finally looked up, I saw Dan and Madison in front of me, at their lockers. As I watched Dan and Madison by their lockers at school, I really began to think. I began to think about my life.

My whole life, I've wondered whether I'd ever earn my place in the world. I mean, I'm just another person, someone who doesn't really matter. Sure, I'm a Tomas and a part of the Cahill family, but that doesn't really mean much. When you're part of a family of people who don't think ballet is a sport, or think that wearing skirts makes you soft. Just once, I'd like to be accepted.

I do okay in school, scrape by with Bs and Cs, but I'm no Ekat. And I do okay in sports, but I'm somewhat weaker after the Vesper attack. I can't hold out as long. And that means that the people who once thought I was amazing, don't care anymore. They move on, right to the next person in line. In my life, that person is Madison, my twin sister.

I know my family worried during the Vesper attack, and I know they worry about me now, but Madison has taken over. I'm no longer a top athlete, or a great sport. I get tired and hurt. She _never _gets tired or hurt. She's always been a top athlete, and since I've fallen, she's gotten better. She blocks out all the sun that used to fall on me. And that hurts.

The fact that she got Dan too, well, that hurts more than losing the spotlight. I can handle a little loss, but now...I seem to have lost everything. Everything I really want, that is.

Sometimes, I just wish Madison would disappear. I know, I sound crazy, wishing my twin sister and best friend would disappear, but sometimes, I really wish she would. Even if she did, though, I'd still have to deal with Natalie.

Natalie Kabra, or Cobra, as Dan likes to say, likes him, too. And she's rich, so, of course she'd get him if Madison disappeared. She's smart, pretty, actually beautiful, and she's very persuasive. She'd win him over for sure if Madison left the scene.

If only I wasn't so stuck in the background. If only I had a chance. If only...I could be given one try, one chance to prove it. But I'm not given one. And I have to deal with it. Even though it's heart breaking.

My heart's been broken before, and I don't want it broken again. But even that can't stop Dan's slowly crushing my heart into the dust. And even a miracle couldn't stop my heart from breaking now. Not even a miracle.

As I slowly woke myself from my thoughts, I realized how much thinking about your life hurts. I shivered and shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts from it. I looked up slowly. The hall was empty. Madison and Dan, and all the other students had disappeared while I wasn't looking.

I was alone. I was completely alone. Alone in the world, alone in my life, alone in my thoughts. Even alone in the most public place I knew of. And that realization hurt me more than my thoughts did.

As I slowly made my way to class, I tried to think of other things, but my throat was tight, my head was spinning, and in my mind, the same words repeated over and over. _'I'm alone. I'm alone. Always alone. Forever alone. Always to be alone. I'm alone.'_ And then, I lost the world completely as I closed my eyes and slumped to the floor. Alone, forever, or for a while, at least.


	4. A short AN

**Hey guys, I posted my story on another site as well, and I got a comment that asked me if I could put all the chapters in Reagan's pov. What do you think? All Reagan's pov, or some of Dan's, Amy's, Madison's and Natalie's as well?**

**Sorry if you thought this was another chapter. I figured I'd ask first, and then I'd post either one in Dan's pov, or one in Reagan's. So, please review and tell me what you want!  
**

**~Crystal  
**


	5. Apologizing

**Hey guys, it's me, finally updating! You won't believe what a nightmare school has been for me. Plus, I had online and real life boy drama, and a Vacation coming up, so that's why I've been rather lazy. Sorry, I guess I'm kinda mean, making you hang like this. I'll try not to do it again. **

**Disclaimer~  
Me: Reagan, will you do the disclaimer?  
Reagan: No thanks!  
Me: Please? It's your story.  
Reagan: Oh, all right. Crystal Amour does not own me or the 39 Clues.  
Me: Thanks!**

* * *

When I woke up, the hallway was empty, and the bell had rung, dismissing school. I sat up groggily, not quiet sure why I felt so bad, nor why I was regretting the fight I'd had after the clue hunt with Dan.

_That fight...All of us, the younger generation of the Cahills, had been at Dan and Amy's house, for a small reunion before we all split up again. It had begun like a regular meeting for us Cahills, Ian goggling Amy, Amy ignoring him, Dan pranking Natalie and all of us._

_He had pranked me while I was asleep. He had snuck into my bedroom, and covered my face with makeup. Eyeshadow, lipstick, blush, lipliner, the works. And he had drawn on a mustache and bunny ears._

_I had woken up, looked in the mirror, and screamed. I tried to get it off, and I succeeded except for the bunny ears. I went downstairs, humiliated. Dan took one look at me, and began laughing so hard he almost fell into his cereal._

_I had begun yelling at him, not caring who heard or who didn't. "Dan, you freak! Why did you do that?"_

_"Because it was funny!" he laughed back at me._

_"It wasn't funny to me!" I yelled back, hurt that he'd do that. I'd thought his cutting up Natalie's prada funny, and reading Amy's diary, and even taping Ian's sleep-talking, but this was too far. This really had hurt._

_"So?" he said, finally beginning to calm down._

_So? That was all he could say? I took a deep breath. And then I burst into tears. He stared at me. Reagan, the Holt, the strong one, the one who could take anything, the one who wasn't soft._

_"Reagan..." he said, and I turned away._

_"Stay away from me!" I yelled at him, tears dropping left and right._

_And then, unbelievably, he began to laugh. I stared at him through the tears. "This is even better!" he chortled. "Reagan, the defensive one, crying!"_

_I drew in a deep breath in shock. "This isn't funny!"_

_"It is! To me, anyway, and to the other Cahills." he said, holding up the video recorder he had used to tape my reaction._

_The moment he lifted up that camera, I fled the room, tears dropping, and eyes wet with more. How could he do this to me? How? Didn't he know how much this hurts?_

I took in a deep breath, shifting back to reality. Dan and Madison were right in front of me.

"Reagan," Dan said.

I backed up, tripping over my books in the process and landing on the floor again. My eyes were filled with more unshed tears. "What do you want?" I asked, trying to sound defiant, but only succeeding in sounding flat.

"Wait." he said, looking at Madison. "Mad, will you give us a moment?" he asked, turning to her. She nodded, and then walked off to her friends. "Reagan," he said again.

I stared at him as he put out his hand to help me up. Then, slowly, I reached out and took his hand. He lifted me off the ground, and then helped me pick up my books. He handed me the stack of books, and I took it, unsure of what was going on. Did Dan Cahill actually help me?

"Reagan," he repeated. "I'm sorry."

_Sorry? He's sorry?_ "About the prank, at the reunion." he continued. "That was very mean. I hurt you."

"Yes," I said, finding my voice. "It did hurt. Very much."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Reagan. I didn't mean for it to get so out of hand."

I looked at him, trying to judge if he really meant it. He held out his hand. "Reagan," he said again, for the fifth time. He looked me in the eyes, and then he grabbed both my hands in his own.

I looked into his jade eyes, savoring every moment. He looked at me another moment, and then he leaned forward. And he kissed me. Me, Reagan Holt. He kissed me.


End file.
